Shall We Lose the Booze?

Shall We Lose the Booze?

We’re sitting in our “new office” in North Adelaide, bras nearly off, admin finally done, drinks in hand… and asking ourselves a slightly uncomfortable question.

Should we lose the booze?

After a summer of Christmas, New Year, barbecues and every excuse under the Aussie sun to have “just a couple”, we found ourselves circling something we’ve all been quietly thinking about for a while.

We grew up around drinking. We started young. It was normal. It was culture. It was sport, pubs, social clubs and country boredom. It was reward, celebration, coping mechanism, confidence booster and sometimes… escape.

But now we’re 50-ish.

If we want to live to 100, are we heading in the right direction?

In this episode we talk about:

• being “functioning” but still questioning our habits
 • self-medicating and the truth about hangxiety
 • why non-alcoholic options just don’t hit the same
 • the generational shift, and why our kids aren’t interested
 • social pressure, slushie machines and poolside cocktails
 • health hypocrisy, clean skincare but Aperol spritz
 • whether moderation is realistic, or if it’s all or nothing

There’s no big declaration. No dramatic pact.

Just three women, midlife, mid-thought process, having an honest conversation about something that’s woven into our culture and our friendship.

We don’t have the answers.

But we are asking the question.

And maybe that’s the start.

Catch Tina in the OmMade Wellness Hub for all things natural skincare, herbal teas and natural health.

https://www.instagram.com/ommadewellnesshub/

See what Lauren is up to at Eco Play Therapy

https://www.instagram.com/ecoplaytherapy/

Let Cassie Concierge your life at Soluna Concierge.

https://www.instagram.com/soluna_concierge/

Transcript

Where are we tonight, girls? We don’t even know where we are. Everyone’s like, mind blank. Where are we? I was like, actually, where are we?

We’re somewhere in North Adelaide. Yeah, in an apartment. It’s our new office. Yes, it is actually.

So we’ve just had a massive admin meeting, getting everything organised, and you guys sound like you’re a little bit far away.

Oh, I thought you were pointing at my cleavage. Nice cleavage. But anyway, I’m just jealous because I have the bras coming off very soon, believe me.

Because you want to go to bed. Yes. Yes. Oh yeah. I’m not flashing you. Exactly.

Yeah, we need to verify what she meant by that. “Take far off”. No. End of day, bra off.

It’s been so long since we’ve done this. I feel nervous again. I know, like the first time. First one for the year, it’s good to be back. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Happy New Year.

Cheers. Cheers.

Speaking of cheers, that leads us into the topic. The topic, which, well basically, one of the reasons I wanted to talk about this, right… hang on, I need a sip.

We’re coming off the back of the silly season, Christmas, New Year, barbecues, Australia Day, name it. There’s every excuse under the sun to have a few bevvies.

Yep. And we are known to do that. We are known to do that. We love to have a catch up, few bevvies, good laugh. Always have.

And when did we seriously start? Like how young? Ugh, that’s alright, we don’t even… do we want to…? No, we don’t want to. I mean, we’ve…

In case my 13-year-old daughter hears this. Exactly.

We’ve been best friends for 38 years. Yeah. We’ve been friends a bit longer than that, we weren’t the best teenagers. I mean we were, but, well, we didn’t get caught.

Look, we started young. We went to a country school, there’s literally no mall to go to, nothing to do.

So I used to get $2.50 lunch money, and I would buy a 40 cent buttered roll and I would save $2.10 each day, because I didn’t get pocket money. And I’d save that up and put it into the kitty for a bottle of Grants Scotch on the weekend.

Oh no, seriously. So it’s been going on for a while.

And fruity Alexia, remember that? Also known as moonshine. Fruity Alexia, also known as fruity leg opener. Oh, I drank it. FYI. I did drink it.

What about Mississippi moonshine, did you guys have that? Yeah. Disgusting. Anyway.

So it becomes part of your ingrained… yeah.

And our parents drank. Friends, uncles, aunties, everyone around us drank, didn’t they? We were in a culture of drinkers.

And the adverts on TV, remember the old Fosters and the Forex Gold, they were cool ads. They rock up in the old Holden, their stubby shorts. It was all the Aussie way of life.

You catch up with your friends, you have a drink, you meet up in a bar, you go out for dinner, it all revolves around having a drink, doesn’t it? It does.

Even social clubs at pubs. Families would go to social clubs, and in the country there was one… the dads were all off their faces, mums would drive home. They’d keep feeding the kids ice creams and packets of chips, good times, running around.

The more your dads drank, the more you got. Yeah, you got raspberry.

My dad played soccer at the soccer club, and it was great. “Can I have money for burger rings? Can I have Coke?” Mum would’ve said no, but she wasn’t there. Dad was there, a few beers, here you go.

Kids are happy, dad’s happy.

But even that… soccer, footy every Saturday in the hills. Play footy, what do you do after? Hang around, have a drink. It’s just what we do. It’s what we’ve always done. Huge culture of it.

But we don’t want to keep doing it, is where we’re getting to. We are doing it now though. Responsibly.

We were kind of debating whether we talk about tonight because we are actually drinking, just having a few bevvies. And we just had a massive couple of hours of admin. So is the alcohol as a reward? Yeah, absolutely.

That’s number one. We’re like, now we can unwind. And we don’t need it. It’s just what we’ve always done.

We have a great time, let’s face it. We do. We have a great time, back up laughing. We also have lots of times where we don’t drink, and it’s so good.

But going forward, we’re 50-ish. If we live till we’re a hundred, we’re halfway. We’re certainly not going to make it if we live like the last 50 years.

We want to get better.

And it’s a little bit hypocritical because I’m all about eating healthy, growing your own vegetables, not taking medication, natural remedies. I bang on to anyone who will listen. Don’t put this on your skin, don’t spray this, don’t breathe this in, don’t eat that… blah blah blah.

And alcohol, number one carcinogenic, it’s poison. Pure poison. And I’m poisoning myself. It’s very hypocritical.

Exactly, skincare and teas… and then this.

It’s terrible for mental health. I did use it for a few years instead of taking depression medication. I self-medicated at night. I didn’t get drunk every night, but I’d have a few wines to take the anxiety and depressive feeling off, and it’s the worst thing for depression ever.

Because the next day you pay the ultimate price, feeling down. It’s such a depressant.

It’s ridiculous when you think about it. I didn’t want to put toxic medication in my body, so I chose a toxic drink, a poison in liquid form.

And it’s socially acceptable. Why is it? We all agree it’s bad, it’s not good for you. It alters our entire personality and character.

Lowering your vibration to the point where negative entities can attach.

I almost don’t want to have a sip now. I’ve got this beautiful drink with soda water and lemon and mint and ice, and it’s hot and it looks refreshing, and Bacardi… I really want to sip but I can’t now.

Anyway.

So then we think, okay, drink in moderation. But why do we drink in moderation? What are we hoping to gain out of it?

We drink for stress relief. We drink for reward. Do we drink to feel the buzz?

I actually enjoy it. I like the taste. I love a gin and tonic, I find it refreshing. I enjoy it.

You can get non-alcoholic gin but I don’t like that. Same as wine. I love a glass of wine, non-alcoholic wine, hate it. Tastes gross. Too sweet, and I don’t like sweet things.

I feel like they take the alcohol out and fill it with sugar. I don’t know. What’s in it? It’s probably worse.

I’ve tried. Non-alcoholic gin and tonics, champagne, wine. I’ve tried because I think it’s not the alcohol I’m looking for. I don’t want to be drunk. But I don’t enjoy those.

Have dinner, glass of wine, I really enjoy it. Just one. But the thing is you don’t stop at one.

And I love the taste of beer. I’d choose beer over a can of soft drink. Just for flavour.

I hate soft drink. I hate soft drinks. So you’re going out, what do I have, water? I’ve drank water all day. I want something else, but I hate a soft sweet drink. So you go the alcohol.

It’s going to be hard. For me it’s all or nothing.

I had six years where I didn’t drink, IVF, pregnant, and I breastfed for five years. So I can do it.

When the stakes are high. When it’s about someone else.

In my twenties I gave up for two solid years. Still went to parties and going out. That was when I finished working at Rio’s nightclub, because I’d smashed my body so bad doing night shift. You can do it, you can go cold turkey.

But I would like to just be moderate.

And I watched a lady that said, “Why would you like to be moderate, why wouldn’t you rather be nothing?”

I want the buzz. I want the chill. I want to switch my brain off because it doesn’t switch off otherwise. So I have to find something to do that.

I’ve made kava lately, something healthy, but it gives you that same feeling. But then I get home and think, there’s the kava, I could make a nice warm milky kava… or there’s a cold beer in the esky. Really hard.

Or you go to a nice restaurant and have a nice glass of champagne, it’s enjoyable.

For me, I don’t use it as self-medication anymore, although I still have to think about it. I set myself, I’m not going to drink if I’m in a bad headspace. And then sometimes I’ll go, I’m driving, so I might have one.

Cassie and I had our kids so young, we didn’t drink our whole twenties. We were bringing up babies, trying to get pregnant, pregnant, breastfeeding. Very rare you’d drink, maybe the occasional wedding.

We’ve kind of picked it back up in our forties.

Whereas you were drinking through your twenties. I was working at the 24-hour nightclub at Rio’s when I was 16, I pretended to be 18, remember? I loved it. I’d already moved out of home. The whole culture was around drinking.

I’d work from 11:00 pm till 7:00 am, knock off, we’d drink until about 10:00 am, then sleep, then do it all again.

So we’ve all had times where we’ve drank a lot.

And we were saying the other day, our kids didn’t grow up with it at all. We were always the driver, always the primary carer. Then later in our forties it’s like we’re making up for lost time. But we’re not going to do that.

But we’ve had a couple crazy times.

We went to a winery last year, Winter Reds, going to have one or two. One or two turned out cheaper to buy a bottle, didn’t it? It was the economy, guys.

We are lightweights, it didn’t take long. We got there late, everyone had been there for ages, super lit, we felt we had to catch up to get into the buzz, and then suddenly we’re drinking bottles of wine, out late.

It creeps up on you sometimes. It’s not your intention at all.

And sometimes that’s when the best fun can happen too. When it’s not planned.

That Cambrai night, how good was that? Fun.

But then we regret it.

Alcohol creates a buzz and relaxes you, but then there’s a tipping point where it’s ruining your buzz. You start to get tired. So was it worth it? We would’ve had a good time anyway.

You’ve got to find the tipping point, or if you’re in a bad headspace, you do things you just wouldn’t do normally, or put yourself in positions you wouldn’t normally put yourself in.

And that’s bad. If you’re in a good space, but if you’re in a bad space, that says it all.

I don’t really get hangovers. I’m lucky. But I’m a lightweight, I get drunk quickly. People think I must be sick the next day, but I haven’t even drank that much, I just get drunk quickly. I wake up feeling okay, heaps of water, heaps of food.

But I get hangxiety.

Oh yeah. It’s so bad. You replay everything you did. It can last for days. It’s horrible. I’d rather a spewy hangover than that.

I drink more at home with Paul than at parties, because I don’t want the anxiety. Whereas I don’t drink at home at all. I’m very conscious not to drink too much at the party.

Sometimes people say, “Oh, you didn’t drink much,” and inside I’m like, I’m pretty drunk.

And we tell these hangover stories like they’re funny, like being hungover in Venice, vomiting on hands and knees on a cobblestone street. We laugh about it, but how is that funny? That’s poisoning yourself to the point where you can’t walk in public.

And what do the kids think? What did we think when it was our parents? It’s not good.

When I think back, when I’ve got to that point, it’s usually a symptom of being stressed or unhappy. Social anxiety, stress in the background, you just start throwing drinks at it. I just want to forget, and the stress disappears, but then it’s worse.

Because then I’m not in a good headspace, I’m probably not myself, probably going to say or do the wrong thing, and then wake up loathing myself.

It’s not an excuse, it’s a reason.

For me going forward, I’ve got a better relationship with it now, but eventually I would like to give it away.

I feel like we all do. We need to help each other and support each other.

But we do like it and enjoy it. The social pressure is nowhere near as bad as when we were growing up.

Look at entrepreneurs and millionaires on Instagram, they don’t drink. The younger generation don’t drink. My kids are in their twenties, and they don’t drink at all. It’s almost frowned upon. Very rare they’d have a drink, maybe a cocktail on a rooftop bar for a special occasion, maybe one. Zero interest.

They’ve seen the ramifications, and the information is out there now about how bad it is.

There’s definitely a generational shift, more health conscious, probably influenced by social media, wellbeing, all of that.

And we’re into that more than most people. We’re passionate about natural remedies and eco and health… but it’s that human thing, like, we have to have a vice.

But we could exercise, go for a run, meditate, we know what we should be doing. Why aren’t we doing it?

Replacing it with something else is definitely the thing. I’ve rejoined the gym, started running again, and you have less aspiration to have a couple of wines.

You don’t want to undo your work. And you feel so good, you don’t really want to.

But then there’s the mindset of, “Oh, I went to the gym this morning, that cancels out.”

So we’re all on the same page. We want to give it up, but we don’t really want to give it up altogether. But why not?

If I say to people, “I don’t drink anymore,” what if one day I want a nice glass of French champagne? French champagne is the best.

But you know what I mean, it’s like if I lock myself in, people will be like, “You said you don’t drink.” People are judgey.

But you don’t have to tell anyone. I’ve just poured pure soda water into this glass with mint and lime. You wouldn’t know if there’s Bacardi in there or not.

When I stopped drinking at night, I’d get a wine glass with soda water, mint and lime, and it still felt like a treat. It’s silly, but it worked.

It’s almost mental. The physical habit without the alcohol.

I’ve been thinking about approaching 50, living to a hundred. There’s this person I want to be at a hundred. If I continue on the same trajectory, that’ll be the person I am. Every decision has to be towards the end goal, and binge drinking is not the way.

I’m glad we’re talking about it, it’s been on our minds for a long time.

We joke around, we circle it, we do periods of not drinking, then we get together, you have a beer, next minute we’re drunk.

We had a barbecue a couple weeks ago and someone said, “You’re always giving up and then taking it back up.” And my response was because I’m an… a functioning alcoholic. Yeah. That’s confronting.

I get up every morning, 6:30, getting my daughter ready for school, packing lunches, driving, running three businesses, keeping a house, doing it all. But there’s a reliance there.

How many Australians would qualify as an alcoholic? So many.

Even two a night qualifies, and you might not even feel tipsy. Two drinks a night is 14 drinks a week. That’s 56 a month.

Two a night seems like nothing. Everyone thinks, doesn’t everyone have a couple of glasses of wine with dinner, or one while cooking and one with dinner? It seems normal, but normal isn’t.

Just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it should happen. It’s a problem.

And how many people have full-blown alcoholics in their family? We’ve all got one at least. Pops, fathers, mothers.

And recently I’ve been a bit anxious in public settings. I don’t want to go places sometimes. But a couple drinks and I’m fine, chatty, happy, having a good time. That’s not good either, but that’s why I’ve been drinking a bit lately, social anxiety, relaxed.

And I like dancing. I love dancing, but I’m embarrassed to dance sober. With a few drinks, I’m up on a stool, dancing on the bar, time of my life. Wake up the next morning like I’ve done a full workout.

There are health benefits, apparently.

But there’s no way I would’ve done that without those drinks.

So if we said right now, Monday, the three of us have given up drinking forever, how does that make you feel?

It freaks me out.

We’ve just bought a slushie machine, and because we’ve got the swimming pool now, when we have people over, slushies, cosmos, pina coladas, Aperol spritzes. It’s delicious, enjoyable. It’s almost what draws people over.

I messaged a girl down the road, “Slushie machine on, cocktail pool,” bam, she’s there. Would she have come otherwise?

Or vice versa, she messages me a photo of a coconut margarita, “Hey girl, join me.” If she didn’t send the photo, I probably would’ve stayed and done my uni assignment.

It’s this back and forth, it becomes our thing, you’ve made it a thing.

But you can have those drinks without the alcohol. Pina colada without Bacardi. Pineapple juice, coconut, really good for you. Cranberry juice, really good for you.

But we add the alcohol back. Why are we adding it back?

And I like the flavour better once it’s added, but… why though? “I had a bit of poison, now I like it more.” Oh, delicious.

It’s cooked.

We could get into the actual health behind alcohol, but everyone’s aware of the damage it does.

So what are we going to do? Are we going to make a pact?

What’s our goal? To live to a hundred.

Long-term goal is a long, healthy life. We want to be here for our grandkids, and be healthy. We don’t know what’s around the corner, but God willing we are. And we’re not going to get there doing this.

Even if you get close, it’s not going to be good quality of life.

Do we say, “I’m not going to touch alcohol from Monday to Thursday”?

I don’t really drink during the week. So is it a problem for you? I binge.

I asked ChatGPT what’s acceptable for alcohol consumption. And of course it comes up with the standard drinks guideline, up to 10 standard drinks per week, no more than four on any day.

But what is actually good for a human? Zero. None.

Those benchmarks exist because no one will accept zero.

It’s strange, because we had no problem giving up cigarettes.

I haven’t had a Panadol or a Nurofen for years. When my back was at its worst in December 2021 I did, but otherwise I wouldn’t even consider taking them.

Because we know they’re poison.

I was vegetarian for a long time, and we used to eat that fake plant-based meat. Then I looked at the ingredients, hundreds of things I couldn’t pronounce. Frankenfood. Poison. Done, never touched it again.

We can do that.

But alcohol… we justify it.

And tonight, calamari and chips and Aperol spritz.

Because we don’t smoke, we don’t take drugs, we eat healthy, exercise. So does that leave a little leeway? Trying to justify.

But does it move us towards our goal or away from our goal? That’s the question.

Once you have one drink, you’re unmotivated, you want to sit there, it takes all motivation away. Sometimes dinner doesn’t come out until 8:00 or 8:30 because I want to get a few more beers in before I fill up with food.

Facts. That’s crazy.

And when you’re young, you’d purposely not eat because it’s cheaper. These are the mindsets we’ve grown up with.

But it’s changing. It’s wrong. We’ve got to do better.

I’ve got a 13-year-old. Do I do that around her? Do I want her drinking like this? No. I’d be devastated.

We are doing much better, and I’m proud, but I can do even better.

For me, I probably know that my destination is not drinking at all.

Otherwise you’re sabotaging your success, really.

Are we going to set a goal? Alright, let’s do it.

We’re going to Greece this year for our 50th. So when we think about not drinking, most people go, “I’ll stop after this, after that,” birthdays, events. But birthdays happen every year. Meals happen every year. You just have to…

Are we saying we won’t drink until Greece, or we won’t drink in Greece?

That panics you badly, doesn’t it? Did you see Lauren? She went white.

I’m on board. I’ll be into the food and the serenity and the scenery. But we’re going to drink wine and limoncello. I don’t even know what the Greek…

We don’t drink unless we’re on a holiday. That’s a good idea.

But why do we want to poison ourselves on holidays? You’ll have no match fitness and even one glass will hit you.

I don’t know why I’m struggling with this, because I’m not a big drinker. But I’d like to try Prosecco, because it’s in the country.

And I’m going to Paris in October too, and French champagne is so good.

Let’s think about cultures around the world. Japanese are big drinkers. I lived there for two years, never drank so much in my life. They drink a lot.

But they’re healthy, longevity-wise. Aren’t they a blue zone?

They say blue zones are about connection and purpose.

Is the quality of the alcohol better in other countries? Less preservatives? Maybe how it’s distilled?

But then Asahi beer is like liquid gold, and I call it kamikaze beer because it destroys me. Worst hangover ever.

There are countries that don’t drink at all, like the Middle East. But what’s their life expectancy? That’s worth looking into.

We were talking about that meme scene, Brian Johnson with 60 supplements a day, and then an old Italian drinking whisky in the sun, smoking, playing chess, living longer than Brian.

And you hear tragic stories, people who exercise, never drink, never smoke, eat healthy, then get a devastating diagnosis. And then people who’ve ruined their bodies live quite old. So what is it? Happiness?

If alcohol puts you in an unhappy state versus someone who’s in good company and happy, maybe it’s different.

My grandparents lived into their nineties. Not big drinkers, but grandma had a little sherry every night, grandpa had a little port.

See, my nana never drank and lived to 89. Just bitters, lime and soda.

Is it genetics? Liver health? Your liver has to deal with the alcohol immediately.

We’ll have a serious think about where we’re going with this, but we’re all on the same page. We know what we’re doing is wrong. We feel hypocritical. People point it out to me all the time and I can’t deny it.

I dye my hair and people say, “Organic skincare but you dye your hair.” Yep.

We went to Bali, got a spray tan. “Don’t wear sunscreen, it’s chemicals,” but we shove chemicals on to look tan.

I won’t use chemicals for cleaning but I spray perfume on myself. Sorry.

Not around me. She doesn’t. Well, I don’t always tell you.

Actually, when I work for Tina, I’m like, oh, don’t worry about it. She drinks so much beer, don’t even worry about it.

Dad came over the other day, I couldn’t see him but I could smell him. I’m like, are you here, Dad? You’re so…!

Do you know what though, the less I wear perfume, when I do spray it I get a hit, I can’t breathe. I’ve had to wind the window down, because I spray it and then I’m like, oh.

That’s so bad. Use it. I know. I don’t spray on my skin, I spray on my clothes. Okay. Another topic.

Alright. So cheers. Yeah. Cheers.

Great. Let’s get another drink.

Bye. Bye.

 00:00 – New Year, New Office… Same Old Cheers
 00:43 – We Started Young, and We Started Early
 02:57 – Growing Up in a Drinking Culture
 05:43 – The Health Hypocrisy Chat
 10:58 – Self-Medicating, Hangxiety and Hard Truths
 18:20 – Can We Actually Change?
 19:03 – The Kids Don’t Drink… So Why Do We?
 19:45 – Healthy Girls With a Vice
 21:06 – Social Pressure and the “Buzz” We Chase
 23:02 – Functioning Alcoholics? Let’s Be Honest
 25:10 – The Slippery Slope of Social Drinking
 39:13 – Spray Tans, Perfume and Selective Clean Living